IS THAT A POTATO IN YOUR POCKET, OR ARE YOU GLAD TO SEE ME?

Grin has invoked the "Fish in a Barrel" rule in the case of Idaho Senator Larry Craig, who was snared in a sting operation this summer in an airport bathroom in Minneapolis. We will not make fun of his plight. We believe his explanation of what happened.

IS MITT ROMNEY WHITE ENOUGH TO BE PRESIDENT?

As it turns out, Barack Obama isn't the only Presidential candidate dealing with issues of racial identity these days. Just as some have questioned whether Obama is "sufficiently black" to adequately represent the concerns of African Americans, a Mormon fringe group, calling themselves the "Albino Brigade," has raised doubts about Mitt Romney's "whiteness." According to Brigade spokesman Ezekiel "Skippy" Carpenter, "Although it is true that Mr. Romney and his extended family look whiter than a six-pack of Ivory soap on a sheet of toilet paper surrounded by a garden of cotton puffballs, it has also been documented that Mr. Romney enjoys listening to 'Soul Man' by Sam and Dave on his car radio, and, in a recent address at the NAACP state convention in Provo, Utah, claimed to be one of only 17 white people in America to know what the lyrics to 'Hold On, I'm Comin' really refer to."

As Mr. Carpenter put it, "In the absence of a denial by Mr. Romney of these accusations, the Albino Brigade considers him to be off-white. Vote accordingly."

Stay tuned for further developments.

IF FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT COULD DO IT, WHY NOT GEORGE W. BUSH?

I was on the verge of not blogging tonight due to the absence of anything funny happening in the world. Then I saw that President Bush had cited the Viet Nam war in making his case for pursuing the Administration's current strategy in Iraq. Thank you, Mr. President. You may be our nation's nightmare, but you are a satirist's dream come true.

Please run for a third term.

AND THE FIRST SET GOES TO MR. KAHNE, SIX-LOVE

Commenting on the challenge of coping with two consecutive days of race-delaying rain at the 3M Performance 400 at the Michigan International Speedway, NASCAR driver Kasey Kahne observed (no joke), "You run out of movies to watch, TV shows, and these satellite dishes don't work."

When a reporter inquired about the possibility of Kasey reading a book, perusing a newspaper, or just doing a bit of serious thinking about the meaning of life during these soggy downtimes, Mr. Kahne urinated on the reporter's notebook and asked, "How about reading THAT, numbnuts?"

DEAR LOYAL READERS:

Grin will be on hiatus until August 21. I have the honor of traveling to Iraq as part of a special U.N. delegation to introduce Wiffle Ball tournaments to the Sunnis, Shi'ites, and Kurds. If all goes well, we will not only be crowning a Wiffle Ball champion eight days from now, we will be bringing to an end a truly horrific civil war. Your prayers for the success of this mission would be greatly appreciated.

BUT IT DID SOUND A LITTLE BIT LIKE THE FIRST THREE BARS OF THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER

The Associated Press shocked voters nationwide when it reported yesterday that an unnamed Democratic Presidential candidate had uttered in public a complete sentence that was not a political platitude.

However, just one hour ago the story was withdrawn by the obviously embarrassed news bureau. Apparently, an AP reporter at a fundraising barbecue in Ames, Iowa had simply misinterpreted the sound of John Edwards passing gas.

NOT SO FAST, BARACK!

It was reported yesterday that Rudy Giuliani's 17-year-old daughter might actually support Barack Obama for President rather than her own father (no joke). The joy of this news for the Obama campaign was short-lived, however, when Obama's wife revealed that she was endorsing legendary cartoon character Foghorn Leghorn for the Democratic nomination. "I'm a Rooster Booster," claimed Mrs. Obama in a speech to the Iowa Chicken Caucus.

WILL MICKEY AND MINNIE LOSE A LEG?

The Walt Disney Company announced plans yesterday to open its newest theme park, DisneyBoom, on the outskirts of Baghdad in April 2008. According to Disney spokesman Crandall Yuspes, the park will feature a variety of attractions and rides that involve explosions. "We want to take advantage of the distinctive, exciting environment that has been generated in Iraq by the interaction of the American military, the Sunnis, and the Shiites. Park visitors will be able to play in Shrapnel Land, ride the Exploding Bus, and feel the rush of adrenaline that accompanies a desperate attempt to find a suicide bomber in an open-air market in less than three minutes at Kaboom Costco."

When asked about the dangers that visitors will encounter at DisneyBoom, Yuspes noted that the admission price for all tickets will include a life insurance policy.