AND YOU THOUGHT AVIAN FLU WAS A THREAT

A recent Internet headline reported that "Jolie Talks After Birth." I'm sure that many of us emitted a huge sigh of relief when we found out that Angelina had spoken. Post-partum muteness (PPM) is a tragic and growing phenomenon. For example, researchers estimate that as many as 40% of Norwegian mothers fail to talk for at least 7 months after delivery. For Egyptians, the figure is 52%. In Crafton, Maine, no mother has spoken since 1983.

Scientists are at a loss to explain what is happening. The testimony of mothers who recover from PPM is of little help. When asked to describe why they went silent for so long, they typically respond, "I dunno. When something that feels like a bowling ball drops out of your crotch after 27 hours of labor, you need a bit of time to gather your thoughts."

Welcome back, Angelina.

HINDSIGHT

While walking the dog this afternoon, I encountered a laminated sign that had recently been attached to a tree on a patch of lawn right next to the street. It said, "Please do not let your pet relieve itself on my property."

I complied with the request, but then I became extremely irritated and proceeded to relieve MYSELF on this person's property.

Now I'm wondering if I reacted inappropriately. Sometimes it's just so hard to know if you've done the right thing.

Your thoughts?

HEY, I CAN SEE YOUR TAG FOR LAUNDRY INSTRUCTIONS FROM HERE

At the grocery store this morning I saw a woman wearing her sweatshirt inside-out. I've noticed that college students do this a lot, especially females. Can somebody help me understand what's going on here? In other respects these individuals do not seem to be mentally challenged or developmentally delayed. For example, none of them wear their underpants on the outside of their jeans.

Thanks in advance for your help. I'm losing sleep over this.