GOD FURIOUS WITH GAY MARRIAGE DECISION IN CONNECTICUT

The Connecticut Supreme Court ruled on Friday that same-sex couples have the right to marry in that state (no joke). In response, an angry God announced that the world would end on November 1st. "I've had it," an obviously agitated Supreme Being sputtered at a press conference in Venice, where He was vacationing. "I almost torched this planet in 1967, when the U.S. Supreme Court declared that legal restrictions on inter-racial marriages were unconstitutional. Hell, back then I came within an inch of launching a thunderbolt into the heart of a nuclear weapons facility in New Mexico. Somehow I held off. But this decision in Connecticut is just too much. On November 1st the Earth will officially be toast. I'm going to burn this baby down and start all over again on Venus with a bunch of garden slugs that reproduce asexually."