GOD TO INTERVENE IN PIG/PALIN/LIPSTICK AFFAIR

(Associated Press) In a stunning decision on Thursday, God announced that He was removing democracy from the United States on October 1st. "This 'Lipstick-on-a-Pig' controversy in the U.S. Presidential election was the last straw," God complained. "I give these yahoos a political system that maximizes individual freedom and the right to choose their leaders through reasoned debate and majority rule, and THIS is the way they use my gift during an election campaign? To discuss absolute, unmitigated, oozing crap like this? I'm sorry, but I've had it. I'm bringing Stalin and his boys back to the U.S. for a decade or so to behead a few thousand campaign media advisors. We'll put their skulls on stakes around the Beltway in DC and then let 'em stay there until they get good and ripe. I haven't done my Vengeful God routine in quite a while, and this asinine episode is a great excuse for me to get back in the game. Bring it on, you political dipshits, I'm itching for a fight!"