OBAMA REVEALS THAT HE IS NOW WHITE

(Associated Press) Barack Obama shocked an audience on Sunday afternoon when he announced that he's running for President as a white man. "With John McCain gaining support among white women, I have no choice," Obama proclaimed to stunned NAACP members at their national convention in Topeka, Kansas. Up until a few days ago I was 50% black and 50% white. On Thursday, however, doctors from the Mayo Clinic implanted stem cells harvested from Caucasian comedian Jeff Foxworthy and albino politician Mitt Romney into my right buttock. I am now approximately 53% white, and will eventually be 60% white. White men of America, I am one of you now." Physicians from the Mayo Clinic confirmed that Obama had undergone the procedure. When asked if the Democratic candidate would suffer any ill effects from the operation, Dr. Winston Fried of the Clinic asserted that "the only discernible side effect will be a decline of approximately 20 points in Mr. Obama's IQ."