DANIEL AND PAUL'S EXCELLENT NON-ADVENTURE

(Associated Press) Federal officials confirmed yesterday that the plot by two neo-Nazi skinheads to assassinate Presidential candidate Barack Obama had not been fully developed (no joke). "This should not be surprising," an FBI spokesman noted. "According to the IQ tests we administered, one of these gentlemen, Daniel Cowart, has the intelligence of a small plug of ear wax, while the other, Paul Schlesselman, has the mental capacity of a Raisinette. These are not fellows who are going to excel at planning anything more complex than urinating. Isn't it funny that two guys who are so committed to racial purity would probably be the first ones to be shoved head first into a woodchipper if the U.S. ever got serious about eugenics?"