GIFT-CARD METAPHYSICS

Let's assume that I give you a $50 gift card to the Olive Garden for Christmas, and you give me a $50 gift card to Red Lobster for Christmas.

And then we both lose our gift cards.

Now, neither of us can afford to go out for dinner.

But if we don't exchange gift cards, and I simply call you up and wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and you call me up and wish me a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, then both of us can afford to go out for dinner.

Of course, if we don't lose our gift cards, then both of us can afford to go out for dinner. But that's the same situation we were in before we decided to exchange gift cards. Wouldn't it make more sense to just call each other up and say, "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, and I hope you think warm thoughts of me when you go out for dinner at the Olive Garden"? You get dinner and warm thoughts without the financial risk.

I think it's time to blow the whistle on the gift-card scam. Innocent people are going hungry.