PRESIDENT WILL LOOK WHERE THE LIGHTS ARE BRIGHTEST

"Obama Rules Out U.S. Troop Raids into Pakistan" to find terrorists, according to an Associated Press headline on Sunday. Instead, President Obama plans to send a SWAT division of 3,000 Marines into the Bonneville Salt Flats in northwestern Utah to search for Al-Qaeda operatives. When asked by reporters why the Salt Flats are being targeted, the President indicated that "there aren't many forests, caves, or mountains in that part of Utah, so it should be pretty easy to flush out any terrorists who are there. Those guys will be toast."