ASK FOR THE BRAND THE POPE SWEARS BY

Pope Benedict XVI asserted on his way to Africa on Tuesday that condoms were not the answer in the continent's fight against HIV (no joke). "They are way too unreliable," the Pontiff claimed. "If you just stare at them they split like a cheap pair of pants. Personally, I recommend sheaths made out of plaster of Paris. Ain't nothin' going to break through those bad boys, you can trust me on that. And no fair asking me how I know," the Holy Father winked at reporters.