SOME BULLETS HAVE YOUR NAME ON THEM, OTHERS DON'T

New Haven's first homicide of 2008 on January 17th was "personal" and not random, according to Police Chief Francisco Ortiz, Jr. (no joke). When reporters asked Ortiz if this meant that the victim was less dead than he would have been if the shooting had been random, the Chief responded that he would check. After excusing himself from the press conference for nearly half an hour, Ortiz returned and announced that the victim was, indeed, just as dead as he would have been had a random bullet struck him in the same part of the head that the on-purpose bullet did.

"I guess there's a lesson here for all of us," the Chief proclaimed, "if only I could figure out what the hell it was."