GOD RENDERS IMPEACHMENT MOOT

In a move that stunned political leaders world-wide on Thursday, God announced that the Executive Branch of the United States government has been outsourced to India. Commenting on the decision to TV news journalist Diane Sawyer, God claimed that the Holy Trinity had voted 2 to 1 in favor of the shift. "We just had to do something," God the Father remarked. "The current administration is an absolute disaster, and three nights ago Tom Jefferson threatened to return to Earth on his own and smother President Bush in bed with a pheasant carcass if we didn't take action. The last time I saw Tom this pissed off was when Sally Hemmings broke a date with him to attend a James Brown concert at the Celestial Soul Festival in East Heaven."

The Holy Trinity has signed a one-year contract with Sinha Democratic Governing Services, a management consulting firm based in New Delhi. Should Fred Thompson be elected President in 2008, the contract will be extended until 2012. "There's no way we're going to let that clown serve even one day in office," God vowed.