SPEARS ELIGIBLE FOR FEDERAL DISASTER ASSISTANCE
Compassionate conservatism took a particularly poignant form on Tuesday, when President George W. Bush announced that troubled pop star Britney Spears had been declared a national disaster area by FEMA. "With Ms. Spears recently losing custody of her two children, we felt that this was a situation where government intervention was clearly called for," the President remarked. "Ms. Spears will be eligible for up to $750,000 in rebuilding funds, and a team from the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers will design and erect a network of impregnable levees around her mini-skirted-clad bottom. We've learned a lot from our mistakes with Katrina, and we're ready to apply that knowledge to help a booty-licious white woman with money regain her dignity. Please join me in wishing Britney the best."
Count us in, Mr. President.
posted by Mike | 8:36 PM
2 Comments:
Unfortunately I'm not sure Britney had much dignity to start with. But you know, you name your child after a breed of dog, I don't think you can set high expectations. Although remembering to wear a thong with those mini-skirts would be a start -- do you think $750,000 will be enough to reach that outcome? Oops wait this is FEMA -- they have NO EXPECTATIONS for outcomes! MP
Well Britney is from Louisianna. And we all know how much the Bush administration likes helping people from LA.
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