THE PRESIDENT GETS ONE RIGHT

The administration of George W. Bush has been subjected to unrelenting criticism in recent months, but at least one group of scholars begs to differ. At their annual meeting in Chicago last week, the National Society of Psychotic Historians ranked President Bush as the fourth best President in U.S. history. According to Professor C. Dudley Fwacks of Rice University, "President Bush's mistakes in Iraq have been more than compensated for by his willingness to generously fund the Xylon Shield Interceptor Program, which disables the death rays launched toward Earth by the Saber-Toothed Gandor Ferrets of Jupiter. Without the President's support of the Interceptor Program, our planet would have been overrun several years ago by these demons, who have a history of forcing their enslaved captives to wear nipple rings made of strawberry Twizzlers."