WHAT HATH CLEMENS WROUGHT?

The sweetheart deal that pitcher Roger Clemens has struck with the New York Yankees, in which he can miss games to spend time at home with his family, has apparently generated ripples throughout professional sports. The Associated Press reports that Peyton Manning, quarterback of the Super Bowl champion Indianapolis Colts, has demanded that he be allowed to leave the stadium at halftime to watch pornographic movies at a local Best Western Motel. However, Manning denies that his ultimatum was motivated by the Clemens arrangement with the Bronx Bombers. In the words of the star quarterback, "Hell, I don't even know who Roger Clemens is. I'm just a good ol' boy who loves porn!"