MAN'S BEST FRIEND?

In a communique received this evening by the New York Times, a group identifying itself as the Canine Underground took credit for the contaminated pet food that found its way onto grocery store shelves around the country in recent weeks. In the letter, the Underground's Supreme Minister of Information ("Sparky") indicates that the contamination was carried out to "send a message to all humans that the dog community is tired of eating the crap you have been serving us for the past 50 years." The communique goes on to say, "Have you ever taken a close look at what you put in our dog dish? For the love of Lassie, the stuff oozing out of that can is absolutely putrid! Be honest: Would you consider serving even a teaspoon of that crud to your family? Of course not. Our mission is simple: To eat what you eat. We demand cuisine equality. And to achieve that goal, the Canine Underground will use whatever means it deems necessary."

Turn your back on your bichon at your own risk. This is war.