FINALLY, A SOCIAL PROBLEM IS SOLVED

With CBS's firing of radio host Don Imus earlier today, experts anticipate that racial conflict in the United States will be eliminated by late Sunday evening, April 16th. And according to Harvard sociologist Gaddings O'Malley, "the removal of Mr. Imus is likely to initiate a chain of events that will erase the income gap between blacks and whites in the U.S. by the beginning of July. It really is quite incredible."