NOT SO FAST, REVEREND FALWELL
In a news release issued yesterday by the Celestial Information Office, God the Almighty announced that the recently deceased Reverend Jerry Falwell will spend approximately 112 years in Purgatory before being admitted to heaven. In a prepared statement, Almighty God said, "I've got a problem with anybody who has the gall to start an organization called the 'Moral Majority'. Who in the hell does he think is: Me?"
The details of Reverend Falwell's Purgatory stay will be released later this week, but veteran Purgatory handicappers predict the following:
Years 1 -- 17: Slow rotisseric burn over an open flame
Years 18 -- 72: Constant jabbing in right buttock with red-hot knitting needles dipped in vinegar
Years 73 -- 110: One-on-one conversation with Paula Abdul on challenges faced by the International Monetary Fund
Years 111-- 112: Latrine duty in Purgatory West Sweat Box Condominiums
In a news release issued yesterday by the Celestial Information Office, God the Almighty announced that the recently deceased Reverend Jerry Falwell will spend approximately 112 years in Purgatory before being admitted to heaven. In a prepared statement, Almighty God said, "I've got a problem with anybody who has the gall to start an organization called the 'Moral Majority'. Who in the hell does he think is: Me?"
The details of Reverend Falwell's Purgatory stay will be released later this week, but veteran Purgatory handicappers predict the following:
Years 1 -- 17: Slow rotisseric burn over an open flame
Years 18 -- 72: Constant jabbing in right buttock with red-hot knitting needles dipped in vinegar
Years 73 -- 110: One-on-one conversation with Paula Abdul on challenges faced by the International Monetary Fund
Years 111-- 112: Latrine duty in Purgatory West Sweat Box Condominiums
posted by Mike | 8:43 PM
1 Comments:
Mike-
You're God is so much kinder than mine. My God says Falwell will roasting in the lower bowels of Hades for all eternity- or until Paris Hilton gains admission into Mensa.
Alex
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