YES, YES, OH YESSSSSS!

Critics of the Bush Administration's plans for a troop "surge" in Iraq were put on the defensive today, when it was announced that the Pentagon has at least two back-up strategies available in the event that the surge proves to be ineffective.

According to Major General Roylston Snarps of the U.S. Armed Forces, the first strategy is a troop "throb," which, if necessary, would be followed by a troop "pulsation."

When asked by reporters what a "throb" or "pulsation" strategy would consist of, Snarps responded, "Believe me, you don't want to know."