STAY CALM, ADMINISTRATION ADVISES

In discussing the recent swine flu outbreak around the globe, White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said that the situation was serious, but that "it's not a time to panic" (no joke). He told NBC's Meet the Press on Sunday that President Obama was getting updates "every few hours" in his bunker far below the earth's surface. "The President will emerge when it's safe, and not a moment before," Gibbs commented. "Until then, Vice President Biden will handle all major policy decisions, assuming we can find him. He seems to have disappeared. If anyone sees the Vice President, please let me know."