CONGRESS BAILS OUT AUTOMAKERS, GETS REVENGE
In a move designed to save the U.S. automobile industry while simultaneously displaying at least a shred of concern for social justice, Congress passed a bill on Friday that provides GM, Ford, and Chrysler with a total of $112 billion in long-term loans. In return, every automobile executive with the title of Vice President or higher will go to jail for a minimum of 5 years. "And we're not talkin' about them goin' to some sissified federal penitentiary for white collar criminals," remarked California Senator Franklin Robinson. "No, siree. These bad boys will be sharing cells with stone-cold drug dealers who've killed their grandparents in fights over use of the TV remote. They're all doin' life-plus-150. They spend 16 hours a day in the weight room. And did I mention they're lonely? You boys are going to be their personal SUVs. Have fun!"
In a move designed to save the U.S. automobile industry while simultaneously displaying at least a shred of concern for social justice, Congress passed a bill on Friday that provides GM, Ford, and Chrysler with a total of $112 billion in long-term loans. In return, every automobile executive with the title of Vice President or higher will go to jail for a minimum of 5 years. "And we're not talkin' about them goin' to some sissified federal penitentiary for white collar criminals," remarked California Senator Franklin Robinson. "No, siree. These bad boys will be sharing cells with stone-cold drug dealers who've killed their grandparents in fights over use of the TV remote. They're all doin' life-plus-150. They spend 16 hours a day in the weight room. And did I mention they're lonely? You boys are going to be their personal SUVs. Have fun!"
posted by Mike | 6:36 PM
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