OSAMA "HOW-YOU-DOIN'?" BIN LADEN MAKES HIS MOVE

According to CIA analysts, Osama Bin Laden's latest video is not a secret message to his international terrorist network, but a lame attempt to find a new romantic partner. "It's a dating video, pure and simple," asserts Winsted Stank, a CIA spokesman. "The beard dyed black is the giveaway. Osama has been looking for a new honey ever since he broke up with Yasmina "Trixie" Shawoofwoof back in January, and the purpose of the video is to let Muslim women know that a revitalized, youthful Osama is 'back in play,' as the saying goes. Right now, bombing the U.S. is the last thing on this guy's mind. He's in the market for an entirely different type of action."