BELICHICK SENTENCED TO DEATH; WEISS CONDEMNED TO HELL
The other shoe dropped on New England Patriots' coach Bill Belichick late Saturday night, when NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced that Belichick would be executed after the end of the regular season for the crime of spying on opposing teams. "The era of slap-on-the-wrist penalties for serious offenses is over in the NFL," Goodell proclaimed. "Mr. Belichick's arms and legs will be covered with New England deer ticks carrying Lyme Disease, and he will not be treated for any subsequent infections. Just as the Patriots' coach disabled the defenses of his opponents through illicit means, his own immune system will now be rendered powerless."
In a related development, the Vatican has revealed that Charlie Weiss, coach of the winless Notre Dame Fighting Irish, will go to hell when he dies. "Losing to Michigan by a score of 38-0 was the last straw," asserted Papal spokesman Cardinal Flavio "Izzy" Tribeca. When reporters asked if a string of Notre Dame victories could reverse the Vatican's decision, Tribeca responded, "Regrettably, the answer is no. The Pope lost a bundle on the Michigan game, and as we Italians say, he is 'mucho pissidissimo'."
The other shoe dropped on New England Patriots' coach Bill Belichick late Saturday night, when NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced that Belichick would be executed after the end of the regular season for the crime of spying on opposing teams. "The era of slap-on-the-wrist penalties for serious offenses is over in the NFL," Goodell proclaimed. "Mr. Belichick's arms and legs will be covered with New England deer ticks carrying Lyme Disease, and he will not be treated for any subsequent infections. Just as the Patriots' coach disabled the defenses of his opponents through illicit means, his own immune system will now be rendered powerless."
In a related development, the Vatican has revealed that Charlie Weiss, coach of the winless Notre Dame Fighting Irish, will go to hell when he dies. "Losing to Michigan by a score of 38-0 was the last straw," asserted Papal spokesman Cardinal Flavio "Izzy" Tribeca. When reporters asked if a string of Notre Dame victories could reverse the Vatican's decision, Tribeca responded, "Regrettably, the answer is no. The Pope lost a bundle on the Michigan game, and as we Italians say, he is 'mucho pissidissimo'."
posted by Mike | 10:21 AM
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