KEN BURNS WILL BE ARRIVING WITH HIS FILM CREW IN SIX MONTHS

Military historians have applauded yesterday's decision by the International Conflict Categorization Council (ICCC), at its annual meeting in Prague, to officially classify the current violence in Iraq as a "civil war." Displaying a degree of cooperation that has rarely been seen in their previous interactions, representatives of both the Sunni and Shiite factions had filed a joint petition with the Council, requesting civil-war status for their mutual carnage. In a gesture intended to show respect for the history of internecine bloodshed in the United States, the Sunnis have agreed to wear blue uniforms during hostilities, while gray will be the color of choice for Shiites. Furthermore, suicide car bombings will be replaced by "equine explosions," in which cavalry horses with saddles from the 1860s are propelled by dynamite-laden "rectal rockets" into crowded street markets.

"I think this represents real progress," observed Shiite commander Fazeel "Robert E. Lee" Zamir-Buzzoob.