OOPS

The Vatican announced today that the Catholic Church's long-standing ban on artificial birth control was the result, in the words of spokesman Cardinal Enrico Yabbo, of "an embarrassing typographical error" in a Papal encyclical. What the Church had actually intended to prohibit in the encyclical, as part of its campaign to combat eating disorders among the faithful, were all forms of artificial "girth control," such as diet pills.

"We are very, very sorry for any hardship this mistake may have inflicted on members of the Church over the years. We feel especially bad for the untold millions of devoted Catholics in South America, who have been reproducing like hamsters in heat for the past several decades."

The Vatican plans to FedEx an initial shipment of 200,000 condoms to Brazil by the beginning of April. "It's the least we can do," commented Cardinal Yabbo.