AND YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT PLUTO?

In a move hailed by conservative scientists but criticized by left-wing university professors, the Wyoming state legislature has announced plans to repeal the Law of Gravity at the end of October, 2006. "We've got too many damn regulations in this state," complained Melvin "Dusty" Stickner, Majority Leader of the State Senate. "From now on, whenever we pass a new law, we're going to repeal one that's already on the books. Hell, it's only fair. It should be up to the individual to decide whether or not he wants to stick close to the ground; it's none of the government's business. One thing I'm sure of: most birthday balloons I've seen are a lot happier than most people I know."

The gravity repeal will make room for a new piece of legislation, taking effect in January 2007, that requires adult schizophrenics to own handguns. "People are always trying to take advantage of the mentally ill," Stickner chuckled. "Well, we're going to put a stop to THAT nonsense, goddammit."