CHRISTIE BRINKLEY AND THE PAIN OF BEAUTY

You've probably heard the sad news: Christie Brinkley, formerly married to Billy Joel, has separated from her fourth husband. I don't know Christie all that well, but we did go to high school together, so I e-mailed my condolences and asked her what had gone wrong. Her response:

"Mike, after all these years I finally realize that I need to be with someone as gorgeous as myself. I feel horrible saying this, but it was incredibly depressing to look across the breakfast table every morning and gaze at someone who looked so....so....so ORDINARY! It would make me frown, and over time that would make my face wrinkle, and that would make me unhappy, and then I would frown some more, and then......OH GOD, IT WAS SUCH A VICIOUS CYCLE!!! You have no idea, Mike! I would simply hide in the bathroom, sit on the toilet, and leaf through Vogue for hours."

"Cindy Crawford and I have decided to move in together. There's nothing romantic between us -- at least not yet. But we do enjoy looking at each other. That's a start, at least. Maybe it will develop into something more. I know, I know, Cindy has the brainpower of a lima bean. But I don't care. I'm as dumb as a stick of butter myself. What's important right now is that I stop frowning. Take care, Mike."

I hope all of you join me in wishing Christie the best of luck as she embarks on this new path in her life.