CDC DISCOVERS LOST VACCINE; PANDEMIC FEAR QUELLED

The Centers for Disease Control announced on Saturday that there is more than enough Swine Flu vaccine for the entire American population, and it's available immediately. According to CDC spokeswoman Sharon Stanton, "Approximately 389 million doses of the H1-N1 vaccine in our Topeka, Kansas warehouse had been mislabeled by a dyslexic clerk as N1-H1 vaccine. Everything's fine now. Sorry."