BOMBATHON '09 PROMISES TO BE BEST EVER

Over 3500 suicide bombers from Iraq, Afghanistan, and Pakistan will gather in Kabul in November for Bombathon '09, a two-day explosion fest to benefit widows and children of suicide bombers who will blow themselves up at Bombathon '09. "I hope to have many good people sponsor me," said Al-Bara del Monte, a soft-spoken 24-year-old father of three from Islamabad. "For every $100 you pledge, I will add two sticks of dynamite to my Boom-Boom Vest. I want my wife and children to be well taken of. I am going to detonate myself in an empty parking lot, so no one will be hurt except me. I represent a new generation of suicide bombers. We are not evil; we are just really, really stupid."