TIME SHOCKS NATION AND KKK WITH PERSON-OF-YEAR HONOR

TIME magazine has stunned the publishing world with its choice of Barack Obama as Person of the Year. "It's taken all of us by surprise," exclaimed Newsweek editor Quentin Clark. "We thought Charlie Sheen was a shoo-in, and if not him, then Dennis Kucinich for sure. But TIME has always pushed the envelope in this arena. Remember when they selected Donald Rumsfeld as Anus of the Year, instead of Barry Bonds?"