THIS IS ABOUT SPORT, NOT TV RATINGS

(Sports Illustrated) In a decision that is certain to generate widespread controversy, the International Olympic Committee announced today that suicide bombing will begin a 3-year trial run as an Olympic event at the 2008 games in China. At a press conference, Committee spokesman Jars Nordson reminded reporters that it is a common practice to introduce experimental competitions into the Olympics. "It is true that suicide bombing creates logistical challenges for Olympic organizers, not the least of which is figuring out how to award medals to individuals who are brought to the podium in a shoe box. But we're not going to let these problems deter us. The goal of uniting countries throughout the world under the Olympic banner of fair, spirited competition is too important to abandon. So we proudly proclaim, 'Let the carnage begin'."