MOTORCYCLES AND GENITALIA: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

Scientists at Emory University in Atlanta have recently confirmed what many people have suspected for decades: the more noise that an adult male generates when accelerating his motorcycle, the smaller the man's penis tends to be. According to Dr. Hubbard Franklin, Distinguished Professor of Biology and Engineering at the university, the correlation is
-.63, which is substantial. Observes Dr. Franklin: "For every 10 decibels of increase in engine noise above 90 decibels, the male's reproductive organ tends to shrink by an average of 1.5 inches. At 150 decibels, most male motorcyclists have virtually no penis left at all. What remains looks a bit like a used eraser on a no. 2 pencil."

When asked by reporters if a similar effect occurs with female motorcyclists, Dr. Franklin responded no. "In fact, with females the relationship is exactly the opposite: the louder the cycle, the bigger the woman's penis. Don't ask me why. I have no idea. It's weird."