THE KING AND YOU
Several months ago, TIME magazine reported that as many as 50,000 virgins "competed to marry Swaziland's King Mswati III, the last absolute monarch in sub-Saharan Africa." What I want to know is, what events did they compete in? "Most Virginal"? "Most Deeply Smoldering"? "Most Deeply Smoldering with a Hint of Mesquite"? "Most Visibly Shocked When Confronted with a Photo of a Man's Willy Wonka"?
Was this competition a Bizarro-World version of "American Idol"? Did the contestants have to sing a medley of show tunes, pop standards, and Motown hits while being examined by gynecologists spouting Simon-Cowell-type barbs? ("Barohu, if you're a virgin, Paris Hilton is a Dominican nun. You're a disgrace to this competition!") Did King Mswati III get to vote? And wouldn't the Miss America pageant, reconceptualized by the Fox network as "American Virgin," help rescue a venerable American institution that has been banished to cable?
Together, we can make this happen.
Several months ago, TIME magazine reported that as many as 50,000 virgins "competed to marry Swaziland's King Mswati III, the last absolute monarch in sub-Saharan Africa." What I want to know is, what events did they compete in? "Most Virginal"? "Most Deeply Smoldering"? "Most Deeply Smoldering with a Hint of Mesquite"? "Most Visibly Shocked When Confronted with a Photo of a Man's Willy Wonka"?
Was this competition a Bizarro-World version of "American Idol"? Did the contestants have to sing a medley of show tunes, pop standards, and Motown hits while being examined by gynecologists spouting Simon-Cowell-type barbs? ("Barohu, if you're a virgin, Paris Hilton is a Dominican nun. You're a disgrace to this competition!") Did King Mswati III get to vote? And wouldn't the Miss America pageant, reconceptualized by the Fox network as "American Virgin," help rescue a venerable American institution that has been banished to cable?
Together, we can make this happen.
posted by Mike | 5:24 PM
3 Comments:
I read about this once - I think they dance for him. And then he picks the cutest one out of all the dancing girls in front of his throne. It is kind of like American Idol.
And it's not like he just gets to do this once - he picks another one every year. Dude probably has more wives than a fundamentalist mormon. Hopefully he treats them better.
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All I can say is- thank goodness the dude does not have parthenophobia. That would make for an awkward wedding night.
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