TERRORIST'S TESTICLES DISRUPT HEARING, DEMAND SEPARATE TRIAL

In a startling development at the arraignment of Nigerian terrorist Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab on Friday, his genitals demanded that they be tried separately from their owner. "We didn't do anything wrong," Abulmutallab's testicles screamed at the hearing. "We were just minding our own business, hanging around in his underwear, when this madman starts shoving a bunch of chemical crap into his briefs right next to us. The next thing we know, there's a rumble going on and we're rolling around on the floor of the cabin like a pair of dice on a casino table. We had no plans to hurt anybody. Hell, we just wanted to land in Detroit and get laid."