BRETT FAVRE: HIS SECRET REVEALED

In an emotional press conference on Tuesday afternoon, Brett Favre claimed that the Green Bay Packers forced him to retire due to prostate problems. "Because of an enlarged prostate, I had to call many time-outs last season just so I could go to the sidelines and urinate into a Gatorade cup," the tearful quarterback confessed. "But I'm doing much better now. A doctor injects my whoopsy-doodle with a freezing agent every morning, and I'm all set for the rest of the day. I don't get the urge to pee until late in the evening, but when I finally do, WATCH OUT! My stream can burn a hole through titanium body armor! Here, watch this."