IT WASN'T KOBE'S FAULT

(Sports Illustrated) After a week of repeated "no comments" to reporters, Los Angeles Lakers' coach Phil Jackson revealed on Friday why his team played no defense against the Boston Celtics in this year's NBA championship series. Jackson, long noted for his Zen approach to the game, maintained that while the Lakers could have tried to prevent the Celtics from scoring, they made a conscious decision not to do so. "Playing defense is so 'defensive'," Jackson observed. "It generates negativity and congestion in the intestinal tract and causes your poop to come out looking like rabbit pellets. If you play defense long enough, colon cancer is a virtual certainty. I don't want that for my team. If we can't win by playing offense alone, we don't want to win. May the force of healthy bowel movements always be with you. Go in peace."