GATES-CROWLEY SUMMIT THREATENED BY BEER BIAS

Plans for the beer-drinking date involving President Barack Obama, Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates, and Cambridge police sergeant James Crowley are in limbo today, after the brand preferences of Gates and Crowley ignited new charges of racism. Gates reported that his favorite brew is Pabst Blue Ribbon Honky-Ass-Kicking Ale, while Crowley said that he's "always had a taste for Aryan Brothers Malt Liquor. It's clean, it's pure, and its foam is all-white, brother!" The White House indicated that the President will probably choose a neutral brand for all three men to consume. "We're thinking Budweiser," according to an informed source within the Administration. "It tastes like lighter fluid mixed with dog urine, but it's a safe choice race-wise."