SHE WANTS YOU BACK, MICHAEL

Thousands of fans of the King of Pop rioted inside the Staples Center in Los Angeles on Tuesday, when Michael Jackson failed to perform. "I know he's dead," complained 18-year-old Tiffany Barlow as she set fire to her seat cushion, "but I really, REALLY wanted to hear him sing 'Billie Jean'. It's the coolest song ever. I don't see why he couldn't just come back to life like Elvis Presley did." Tiffany will be a freshman at UCLA in the fall, majoring in crystals.