SITTING HERE IN LIMBO......
Well, apparently not for much longer. As reported in the January 8th issue of TIME magazine (p. 68), Catholic theologians are on the verge of shuttering limbo, which for many centuries has been the place where babies have gone if they die before being baptized.
Am I the only one who is concerned about the housing crisis that will result if limbo is shut down? After-life demographers estimate that over 17.4 million souls currently reside in limbo (Vatican Population Reports, November 2005). Where are they going to go? According to Cardinal Francesco Spatini, Papal Liaison to the Heavenly Kingdom, there were fewer than 12,000 vacancies in Paradise at the end of January 2006. "We've had a heavy influx of fundamentalist Christians in the past year, which has strained our residential facilities considerably," reports Cardinal Spatini. "We anticipate that our new Serenity Estates subdivision will not be available for occupancy until late 2007 due to union problems and bad weather. I'm not sure what we're going to do."
And you thought that resettling New Orleans residents after Katrina was going poorly? If Catholic authorities don't come up with some answers soon, Limbo-gate will make the post-Katrina fiasco look like a fun-filled afternoon of musical chairs.
I think it's time for other major religions to step up to the plate. Judaism, of course, operates Catskills North Star, where Jews go if they die before getting an advanced degree in one of the major professions. Presbyterians who pass away before learning how to spell "Presbyterian" are welcomed into Generica, an "all-purpose after-life facility," according to the brochure. And Rastafarians who are pot-free when they have their ticket punched are allowed entry into Marleyville, which is reputed to have the absolute best music of all the non-heavenly eternal venues.
Conservative estimates generated by the Brookings Institution indicate that these three sites could accommodate up to 15.1 million limbo residents. Don't you think it's time for the leaders of these three religious bodies to pick up their cell phones and dial 1-800-THE-POPE? Yeah, so do I.
Do the right thing. That's what you're supposed to be all about, isn't it?
Well, apparently not for much longer. As reported in the January 8th issue of TIME magazine (p. 68), Catholic theologians are on the verge of shuttering limbo, which for many centuries has been the place where babies have gone if they die before being baptized.
Am I the only one who is concerned about the housing crisis that will result if limbo is shut down? After-life demographers estimate that over 17.4 million souls currently reside in limbo (Vatican Population Reports, November 2005). Where are they going to go? According to Cardinal Francesco Spatini, Papal Liaison to the Heavenly Kingdom, there were fewer than 12,000 vacancies in Paradise at the end of January 2006. "We've had a heavy influx of fundamentalist Christians in the past year, which has strained our residential facilities considerably," reports Cardinal Spatini. "We anticipate that our new Serenity Estates subdivision will not be available for occupancy until late 2007 due to union problems and bad weather. I'm not sure what we're going to do."
And you thought that resettling New Orleans residents after Katrina was going poorly? If Catholic authorities don't come up with some answers soon, Limbo-gate will make the post-Katrina fiasco look like a fun-filled afternoon of musical chairs.
I think it's time for other major religions to step up to the plate. Judaism, of course, operates Catskills North Star, where Jews go if they die before getting an advanced degree in one of the major professions. Presbyterians who pass away before learning how to spell "Presbyterian" are welcomed into Generica, an "all-purpose after-life facility," according to the brochure. And Rastafarians who are pot-free when they have their ticket punched are allowed entry into Marleyville, which is reputed to have the absolute best music of all the non-heavenly eternal venues.
Conservative estimates generated by the Brookings Institution indicate that these three sites could accommodate up to 15.1 million limbo residents. Don't you think it's time for the leaders of these three religious bodies to pick up their cell phones and dial 1-800-THE-POPE? Yeah, so do I.
Do the right thing. That's what you're supposed to be all about, isn't it?
posted by Mike | 7:24 PM
3 Comments:
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Is there room in purgatory?
I think I heard that even purgatory is being reconsidered (er, closed). Can they do things like that?
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